AJ At The Figgis Agency
by Red Witch
Summary: It's Take Your Daughter To Work Day at the Figgis Agency. Coincidentally, it's also Let's Drive Mallory Crazy Day.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone to day care. Just some fun mad fluff from my tiny mind.**

 **AJ At The Figgis Agency**

"What is that child doing here?" Mallory said with a groan as she looked at the bullpen.

"I'm assuming you're referring to AJ and not Archer or Pam," Lana quipped. Archer and Pam were playing blocks with little AJ. Several dolls were among the stacks of blocks.

"You assume correctly," Mallory took a drink of scotch. "I also give you points for being correct about the mental state of Pam and Sterling."

"Well as you know we're not making any money," Lana sighed. "Because we don't have any clients yet. So in order to save money on day care I thought I'd bring in AJ every now and then."

"What is this? Take Your Daughter to Work Day?" Mallory groaned.

"Why not?" Lana gave her a look. "Back at our old agency every day was Take Your Idiot Son To Work Day."

"Oh ha, ha Lana," Archer gave her a look.

"She's not wrong," Mallory admitted with a shrug.

"HA!" Pam snorted.

"Shut up!" Archer glared at Pam.

"Ha, ha!" Pam took out her dolphin puppet and mimicked her voice.

"I know where that dolphin puppet has **been** Pam!" Archer pointed. "Put it away."

"I washed it last night," Pam said indignantly.

"You can never wash away the shame," Mallory grumbled.

"Since when has Pam ever had shame?" Ray asked as he walked in with Cyril.

"Good point," Mallory admitted.

"What's going on?" Cyril asked as he looked at what was happening.

"We're playing City!" Archer said. He was holding a black Barbie and a pink sailor doll. "Look AJ! Barbie and her best friend Gay Ken are going shopping!"

"Oh goody," Mallory rolled her eyes. "My granddaughter is playing with gang rape dolls. Just lovely…"

"Why does she keep buying those?" Lana groaned.

AJ squealed and started to wreck the block stacks. "Oh no!" Pam called out. "AJ-Zilla is wrecking the city! Along with her friend Mega Dolphin! RARRR!"

"Again what the…?" Cyril blinked as Pam wrecked the blocks with her dolphin puppet.

"Apparently both Sterling and Pam have discovered the lost art of conversation," Mallory said drolly.

"I brought AJ to work with me today in order to save some money on day care," Lana admitted.

"And you didn't think to ask me if this was okay first?" Cyril asked in an annoyed tone.

"Why would I do that?" Lana asked honestly.

"Way to wield your power Cyril," Ray snickered.

"Shut up!" Cyril glared at Ray.

Cyril looked at Lana. "Look I don't mind you bringing AJ in. I'd just like to be consulted that's all!"

"Again why…?" Lana asked. Archer laughed out loud at this.

"BECAUSE MY NAME IS ON THE FREAKING BUILDING!" Cyril shouted. "THAT'S WHY!"

AJ then started to cry. "No, no, no…" Cyril said nervously. "Don't cry! Don't cry!"

"Great Cyril," Pam glared at him. "You scared her!"

"Don't worry AJ," Archer picked up his daughter and stood up. "You're never going to be as pathetic as Cyril. No, you won't…"

"Again," Ray gave Cyril a look. "You're a real master of management."

"It's okay AJ," Archer comforted his daughter. _"Hush little AJ don't you cry. Daddy's gonna punch Cyril in the eye. And if that idiot Cyril is crass, Daddy's gonna go and kick his ass…"_

"Great…" Cyril groaned. "He's teaching the next generation of Archers how to bully."

"Well it is a family tradition," Ray quipped.

"It's a Manson Family tradition," Cyril grumbled.

"There we go," AJ stopped crying. "I know how to make you feel better huh AJ? In fact,…Carol? Carol?"

"What?" Cheryl asked from another room in a bored tone.

"Do the thing I told you to do!" Archer called out.

"What thing?" Cheryl shouted back.

"The thing I said for you to do," Archer snapped.

"I told you," Cheryl shouted. "I can't hack into the ISIS mainframe for you. Besides it's too late. The building was…"

"Not **that** ," Archer snapped. "The **other thing**! By the way…Great memory retention."

"I can't do that either," Cheryl said. "Even if it is just the tip."

"Not **that** either!" Archer groaned. "The **other-other thing**! The one I told you this morning!"

"Ooooooooooooooooh," Cheryl called out. " _That_ thing. Why didn't you **say so?"**

"I just **did!** " Archer rolled his eyes.

"So what am I supposed to do again?" Cheryl called out.

"Never mind!" Archer groaned. "Krieger! Krieger!"

"Yes?" Krieger was heard shouting.

"Remember that thing I said to set up this morning?" Archer called out. "Did you do it?"

"Yeah it's all set to go!" Krieger called out.

"Can you show Carol how to turn it on?" Archer asked.

"Oh I can do it from here," Krieger said. "Just give me a minute…"

"Archer…" Lana began.

"Wait for it…" Archer grinned.

The lights darkened and Archer moved away from the dolls and blocks. Soon pulsating music began to fill the room and several spots of light began to randomly shine in the room. "Baby Dance Party!" Archer cheered.

"Is that the **Wiggles**?" Lana did a double take. "There's a techno dance version of the Wiggles?"

"I know!" Archer called out as he danced around with AJ. "How awesome is that?"

"Dance party!" Cheryl called out as she and Krieger ran in. They started to dance around.

"Hang on…I know what this needs!" Ray used his bionic legs to run out of the room and then run back in with a box. "No dance party is complete without whistles and glow sticks!"

"GLOW STICKS!" Pam whooped as she took some. "All right! Glow necklaces too!"

Cheryl blew on a whistle as she waved a glow stick. "WHOOOOO! OUTLAW DANCE PARTY!"

Lana, Cyril and Mallory stood there while their co-workers danced around. Also dancing in the background was Mitsuko, TV's Michael Gray and Milton. Well Milton was just going around in circles.

"Oh what a joy," Lana groaned. "Baby's first rave."

"Think of it as preparation for her teenage years," Mallory grumbled. "When she sneaks out at night to go clubbing and sell drugs."

"She can't be any worse at it then we were," Pam remarked as she danced.

"So we're just basically throwing out all professionalism out the door are we?" Cyril groaned.

"Pretty much," Ray admitted as he danced.

"Well then hand me a damn glow stick," Cyril sighed.

"Cyril!" Mallory gasped.

"Ms. Archer if there's **one thing** I've learned out of all the years working with you people…" Cyril said as he took a green glow stick necklace from Ray. "Sometimes you just can't win. So there's nothing you can do but embrace the **madness!"**

With that Cyril put on the glow necklace, grabbed a couple of other glow sticks and a whistle and started to dance around. While blowing on a whistle.

"Yeah! Now it's a party!" Archer whooped as he danced with a laughing AJ.

"Twerk it Cyril!" Pam whooped.

"They're not even bothering to be discreet anymore," Mallory groaned as she walked away. "I can't stand it! I just can't **stand it!"**

"That's why they **do it!"** Lana called out.

"WELL DUH!" Mallory snapped as she left.

"Oh what the hell?" Lana sighed before she went over to dance with Archer and her daughter.


End file.
